Becoming

One of the things about people that frustrates me most is when a person knows they have potential, and knows they can be better than who they are now, but choose to stay mediocre.

Each of us knows at least one person who’s like this. They are good people. They are usually your friend. They are someone you admire. And yet, what you see in them isn’t what they see. 

You see potential.

Growth.

Greatness.

And you might think for an instant that they see that too. But then they revert to their same old ways. Not wanting to accept more knowledge and power, because with that comes greater responsibility.

It’s just never made sense to me, really. I feel that as humans we intrinsically want to be better, or different, than what we are now. But our carnal, sinful nature keeps us from doing that. And fear. Fear is such a cowardly and yet all too normal emotion we encounter.

For me though, I’d like to believe that even though we live in this broken world there’s opportunity for good. Not only good, but the best. God didn’t send us here to be mediocre. He sent us here so we could one day be like Him. And God isn’t by any means mediocre.

But how do I know that? I know that because I know God. Or I’m trying to get to know Him at least. Because when you know someone, you trust them. And when you trust them, you turn to them.

And when you turn to God, you begin to change. You begin to become something.

Something great. 

Oh yeah....school ended.

Well this is embarrassing.

I have one week left of school, and have only written once this semester. Some exciting and not so exciting things have happened, but let's focus on some of the important ones:

-I was offered the PR position at work and will have my own office on campus.

-I was accepted to the Washington Seminar program through BYU.

-I then withdrew my application after two weeks of being in the program.

-Realizing I'm graduating next April is probably the biggest stress of my life.

So about that Washington Seminar thing....THAT was one of the hardest decisions of my life, thus far. It's a prestigious program, where students intern for a semester in Washington DC. Only 40 students are accepted each semester, and I was accepted for next spring/ summer. It all sounds fine and dandy, right?

Wrong.

When I was notified of my acceptance, it was honestly a complete shock. Hundreds of students applied. Hundreds were turned down. But they chose me. And I only had 24 hours to decide whether or not I would accept it. Let's just say I was one hot mess during those 24 hours.

Everyone said I should do it. The Lord didn't really give a yes or no...at least at that time, but I knew he'd support me either way. I just knew that.

So I accepted. I filled out all of the paperwork, met with the advisors of the program, researched internships and began the application process for each of them. But then something changed.

I had this strong impression that I shouldn't go to DC next summer. Initially, I thought it was just me under a lot of stress. But that weird feeling kept coming back to me every time I worked on my internship applications this past week. So I prayed about it and sent the director of the program a notification of my withdrawal.

Let me tell you....I struggled with that decision. I still am. I'm still not completely sure why I declined the opportunity, but I will say this:

I'm trusting the Lord on this one.

You see, God puts us through trials to help us grow. He has a plan for each of us, and it's up to us to find out what the plan is. Part of figuring out that plan means making tough choices and taking risks.

I know that things will work out. They always do. But for a girl who likes to have a plan mapped out about everything....it's proving to be quite the challenge. I don't know where I'll be next summer. I don't know what I'll be doing. But I do know that with Heavenly Father's help, it'll all work out.